fingerpaint!! 

Almost 13 months

Well, this has been the month of mother guilt so far.

I went back to work, you went to daycare. It hasn't been easy, that's for sure, and I bet if you could talk you'd say something like, "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON???" You cry miserably when I leave you, with an open-mouthed, desperate look in your eyes. I don't think I've ever done anything so difficult before as walk away, seemingly fine, in order to not scare you. But really it breaks my heart every time, and sometimes I've gone to school crying, too. BUT, within a minute or so, I'm told that you calm down, though aren't completely fine until a while later. Still, you play, nap, eat and when I come to get you at about 2, you're fine and seem happy. MWF you go to the Bellevue School District Toddler program and TTh you go to Jen's and Caleb's. I think you get on better at Jen's because she can hold you more.

I am liking being back at work, because I do love teaching, love being around the kids, and I'm enjoying the yearbook class. But I'm certainly torn. I guess that's what being a working mother is about. I don't know if I'll keep teaching the entire time you are young, because eventually we want to have another baby, but for now it seems OK. I just hope that you adjust more to being away from us... though I do expect that you'll go through stages. Apparently seperation anxiety peaks at 18 months. That's still 5 months away!

The other side of the story is that if I were to stay home with you every day all day I have no doubt that you would be dying from boredom, and crabby then, too. Two days I stayed home with you from work and you were so frustrated that, no, you couldn't climb on the bookshelf, and no, we couldn't scale the rock wall in the back yard. You really need a safe place to explore and play for a while each day, and daycare is really quite good for that!

Also on the mother guilt list: About a week ago you had a seriously horrible reaction to something and I had to call 911. Dad was out of town for the night and I was alone. I still don't know what it was, except that I had given you some chamomile teething tablets right before. You were breathing funny, in terrible pain, and writhing on the floor so badly that I couldn't even hold you. It was so scary, I can't explain it and I thought for a moment that you were dying. You were sick for a day or so, and now you still have really weird poo so I'm taking you to the doctor today (again). I want to be sure that everything is OK.

Other than all those worries, you are changing and growing up so quickly.

You babble all sorts of sounds, but don't say any words yet. Well, you might say Mama, but it's hard to tell if you do it on purpose. You sound like you're speaking a different language. You also are teething like crazy again, and have two top molars. The two bottom ones are almost through. I think they really bother you, more than other babies. Caleb doesn't seem to have near the trouble with teeth as you do.

You can dance, wave, clap and pat the kitties and us. You know the words (but don't yet say) "eye," "nurse," "rock," "bye bye," "clap," "eat," "bath," "milk," "no-no," "hot," "kitty," and you know people by name, like Daddy, Mollie, Claire and Nana. You sort of understand about the bike we got you for your birthday but you like more to push it around the living room than ride it. You LOVE to go outside and LOVE to go to the playground, even though you're too little for most of the equipment. You don't like riding in the car anymore, really, I think because you have to be in it so much to go to daycare. You love our chickens and laugh at them. You still LOVE to nurse and don't show any sign of weaning soon, which is normal and fine with me. I was so thankful you were nursing when you had the horrible allergic reaction. You wouldn't eat anything so nursing really sustained and comforted you.

You are still very motor-skill oriented and can run, climb and maneouver better than most toddlers your age. You're impossible to take out to eat, because you climb out of the highchair and then want to run around the restaurant and pull on chairs and visit other people. :)

On to next month!