May 2010

I cannot believe it's been a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog. Wow. That seems like an unbelievable amount of time... I'm not even sure what to think. Of course, time passes so quickly with small children (yet some days seem like they take forever!).

I started thinking about updating here mostly because I keep realizing I have to write down some of the things that Thor is saying lately. As he approaches age 6, he is starting to realize so many things. Yet I feel he still has this otherworldly connection to the greater place we all come from. He says things like, "Mommy, nothing ever ends. It all just changes. The days never end. The years never end. It all just keeps going." Or, "I really wish that I could go back in your tummy. It was all dark and warm and cozy in there. And then I'd be with you all the time." And one of my favorites: "Mommy, I really wish you could be a baby again. Then I could play with you like you were a child. And it would be a really long time until you died because you wouldn't be a grownup anymore." He's been really philosophizing, and some of it blows my mind. One night about a month or two ago he spent over two hours crying while I put him to bed, because he was so so so sad that people die. He cried about Nana dying someday. And me, and daddy. He kept wanting to know *when* do we die? And how? And what happens? And it's so sad because I will never see you again. I had to really fight to know what to say. And all I could say is that we will always be together -- I will always be with you -- in your heart, in your head, and then we'll see each other again sometime. I'd try to distract him, and talk about something else, but he'd start crying again and ask me more questions. About two weeks after this talk he lost his first tooth. Which I think is very significant. In Waldorf philosophy, the losing of teeth is quite significant, and so is the 6 year old change. It's as if I could feel him separating from the spiritual world. He's almost fully here, almost fully grounded. It's quite amazing.

He's been struggling this year at school off and on. Mostly, I think, due to being in a larger group of kids. He also struggles with leaving me, which he has struggled with for years -- really, ever since he was born he's just wanted to be ON me. Some times at school is better and sometimes is worse. He gets quite overstimulated and has strange, hyper behavior, and has trouble listening to directions. Other than that, though, he enjoys it, and we have all made a lot of friends and great community through the school. I have really loved learning more about Waldorf and it has changed my parenting and the way I view my children and other children. And humans in general, really. I am glad we are there.

Next, Anna.